Not feeling good about yourself lately? Do you want a healthy, good quality relationship but can’t find that special someone? Are you feeling bummed-out and alone? Relax. You're not alone. Literally!
If you’re feeling lonely and stressed, these qualities are usually not attractive for a prospective mate. Neither is neediness. People can usually sense loneliness, stress, and neediness in someone almost immediately, consciously or not. No one wants a “needy” person in his or her life. Your job is to feel better and be happier first.
Your level of emotional health in this area is directly proportional to how much rejection or disappointment you can withstand before going into distress. Most of us feel sadness and sorrow when we don’t get something we strongly desire. This is a healthy, normal, and very human response to loss or disappointment. Emotional entrapments, such as anxiety or depression however, are not.
If you want a healthy relationship with someone, make sure you start with yourself, by being self-loving.
Many people feel they “need” someone to love them. If this is you, ask yourself this question: Why do I need to be loved? The answer is: You don't. Allow me to explain.
Make no mistake, it’s wonderful to be loved by someone else: It feels good, and brings many benefits and a greater sense of joy in life. But you feeling good about yourself needs to come from you - and not someone else. You don’t need love from anybody but yourself, in order to feel good about yourself. If your self-love is dependent upon another person, then it’s not self-love but other-love. Hopefully, you loved yourself and your existence before you met – or meet - your partner. Why not start now when you’re alone?
You also do not need love from others to achieve in life. While you might at times require help from others to advance or accomplish certain tasks, it’s their help that you require and not necessarily their love.
Do You Require Love From Others?
No, you don’t. You may want it. You may desire it. We all have a natural and strong drive to love and be loved by others, and to feel connected to others. It will feel wonderful to know that a person you love... also loves you. But you don’t need it. Children certainly need and require love for healthy social, emotional, and physical development.
And while being loved by others as an adult will certainly add a significant positive quality and emotional fulfillment to your life, including boosting immunity and longevity of life, it is not a necessity for your personal inner happiness or development.
No one wants a needy person in their life. Create a full, 3 dimensional, quality-life of your own – one that you’re already in love with - and then invite another person to join you in it.
The qualities of inner happiness, confidence and self-assuredness are not only sexy to other people, they are also healthy and attractive to others in general.
Simply put, you need what you need, but you don’t need what you want.
To be loved by others is a want. A natural human drive, desire, a preference, a joy to be sure, but for a healthy adult, it is not a need. If we need or require anything, it is to ensure that we love ourselves. Unconditionally. Because no one else can do that for us.
In fact, when you think about it, there are no emotional "goodies" to being loved, especially if the love is not returned. This is also true if you have ever had someone love you, that you did not love (or even like) in return.
The goodies only exist if you do the loving first.
The real benefit is in doing the loving, and less from being loved. The only people who go into great distress as a result of not being loved are those people who don’t love themselves adequately. Other people’s love reassures them that they are okay and helps them keep their deepest, darkest secret at bay: That they really are worthless – but if someone loves them, then maybe this isn’t true.
You are always worthy – whether you have someone special in your life who loves you or not. So practice taking care of yourself first. Do those things that will create happiness in you, with our without a partner. When you do not “need” someone, that's usually when people end up finding the love of another.
"the greatest thing
you can do for others
is to fall in love
- Natasha Keerti Sharma
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